A recurring question, specifically within the context of a first date, is when to make a move on a girl. Is there a perfect moment or even a correct one’ How do you know? What do you do? And where do you go from there? Let’s find out.
There’s rarely a ‘perfect’ moment. There are good moments, bad moments, and ‘on a whim’ moments.
Those scenes in chick flicks where the stars align and kissing is the only logical action rarely coincide with real life. And while there’s certainly a romantic aspect to drinking on top of a convertible on a cool starry summer night overlooking the city, 99.99% of all moves don’t happen this way. Hot, passionate, hair pulling, pinned-against-the-wall makeouts are arguably superior and all you need is a wall.
A good moment is any time you’re (relatively) alone with a girl, anywhere or both of you are bombed beyond awareness of your surroundings. Heavy PDA is kind of gross. The caveat is in most cases, you need to create this good moment. If you’ve just met, you need to build comfort progressively which will naturally move seduction to kissing and clothes on the floor.
Creating A Good Moment: Kino Escalation
Kino, a term loosely tied to kinesthetics (the ability to feel body movement), is the concept of progressively more intimate physical contact with the end goal of consummation. It is hands down the fastest way to build comfort and lower shields and is the reason why people hug, shake hands, high five, and pat each other on the back.
Let’s say you’re meeting up with a girl for a drink at the bar (while preferable, a bar isn’t required, so feel free to substitute any activity where you’ll be close to each other and in a relaxed, semi-private atmosphere). When you see her, give her a 2 second bear hug. The tighter the better. Let her feel your strength, your dominance, and (hopefully) your defined musculature. Chicks dig guns. This innocuous first move is incredibly powerful and I would argue mandatory to start the night off right. Do this whenever possible. Unless it’s inappropriate, like in a business meeting, hugging girls you find attractive is almost always preferable to shaking hands. Don’t show up at a party and starting wrapping yourself around a half dozen babes from the get-go, but when you meet 1 on 1 or get introduced, go for it.
Back to our story: start looking for opportunities to kino. When you enter the bar, squeeze into a spot to order your drink and pull her in next to you, hand on her back. Ask her what she wants. It’s like a sideways hug. As you leave your spot, briefly guide her (hand on back) to wherever you’re going and let go. Find a place to sit. Could be couch if available, and make sure you’re close, but not touching yet. Set your beer down, talk for a couple minutes, then reposition a little closer. Brush your legs against each other. Do this a couple times until your legs are touching. You’ll notice how the conversation ‘magically’ follows suit and becomes more personal.
Eventually you’ll reach a point where you’re in constant physical contact (legs touching, she’s sitting on your lap, your hand on her back the whole time, etc) and voila, you’ve created your good moment. You can kiss her there or wait until you’re in a more secluded area.
It’s nice to imagine that sparks fly on their own without any formula or step-by-step instruction manual, but if she’s initially receptive, you hold the power to lead it where you want. You make your own luck.
A Really Good Moment
Sometimes a girl will be so enthralled, so drunk, or so anxious that you haven’t made a move yet, that she’ll signal with all her strength, short of using words, for you to kiss her. If you miss this moment, you’ll have to backpedal. Fortunately you’d have to be dumber than a rock to miss it, as it’s hardwired into all male brains. When she looks up at you with puppy eyes, purses her lips, moves her hair, and doesn’t budge or say anything, it’s go time.
Caveat: it’s tempting to play a passive game and wait for moments like these, but they are so rare that it’s a losing strategy. Beware of their existence, then proceed as usual.
‘On A Whim’ Moments
High risk, high reward. For whatever reasons, from time to time circumstances will present you with opportunities to throw prolonged escalation out the window and just do it. This is almost as rare as a ‘really good moment’, but it happens and is usually a product of two people physically attracted to each other accidentally invading personal space.
It’s how I closed one girl. I was out with a friend at a club, a hot little HB 8 (already half drunk) introduced herself to me. I took her hand, pulled her up to the VIP ledge and we were basically hugging the entire time we were talking as it was quite crowded. At one point someone nearly fell onto us, beginning a domino effect as we ended up in each other’s face, literally. We didn’t continue making out, but the job was done. Heavy grinding on the dance floor ensued and a couple nights later we had a 1 on 1 bar date ending in ‘just the tip, you promise’?
When you experience one of these moments, milk it. It’s the ultimate in plausible deniability. Oops, surprise kiss!
These are every other moment. Specifically, if you’re on a date but don’t build any comfort, completely ignore kino escalation, and just wait for a kiss goodnight, well, you might get it, but it’s doubtful. And you certainly won’t seal the deal with any sense of urgency, if at all.
No Kiss Test
A lot of pickup literature advises various forms of kiss tests. I’ve never agreed with it. Why test? Properly escalating kino and gauging for receptivity and reciprocity is all you need. You’ll know when you’ve done enough.
The Best Moment: Sooner Than Later
Ultimately, the sooner you make your move the better. Women (and men) want to feel wanted, right now. Everyone is busy, we have things to do, we have our own lives, and we want hot, fleeting, passionate moments impossible to resist. You can of course prolong seduction if you have a specific reason for doing so, but attraction will only increase so much before it peaks, stays there, and then begins a rapid decline. There’s no telling what tomorrow will bring so if you can get it tonight, get it tonight. Going for the kiss is always a win/win. Even if she rejects it the first time, she’ll respect you for having the confidence to go for it. Quite often you might have to persistent a few times before she breaks.
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